I emerged from senior year into closed doors. Over the course of the global pandemic, I worked for Google as a Software Engineer. Two opposites stand out from this time: unwellness and resilience.

At first, I couldn't even refer to the COVID-19 pandemic by name: not “corona”, instead a “crown”; the “Inside Times”. Isolated, insulated, I cried and thought of death. Overwhelmed by It All (et al.), I traveled to 7 cities in 7 weeks, and cried again.

In reaction, I found surprising energy to explore the world and improve myself. Besides the “revenge travel” to 7 cities, for the first time in my life, I started to regularly exercise and read, habits which persist to this day. I also learned to separate my self from my job, and find other meaning in my life.

I arrived in San Francisco with great excitement for the future. I met my manager in-person for the first time over tea. Finally mustering the will, I asked if they would support my applying for promotion next cycle. They politely responded no.

My unwellness flared up. I looked back upon my work with stained lenses. Then my resilience kicked in, and I resolved to recruit for new roles.