Introduction

I bought a (nice) pepper mill (because my last one broke)!

Peppercorn varieties

Green peppercorns

The unripe fruit of the black pepper plant, often sold brined.

In a few years, will look back on some of things they said recently and cringe.

Red peppercorns

The mature fruit of the plant, rarely sold as is.

Unironically enjoys fine wine.

Black peppercorns

The dried unripe fruit of the plant.

Your reliable, friendly coworker who's going to get promoted before you.

White peppercorns

Black peppercorns without the outer layer, soaked until the wrinkly skin comes off.

Thinks they's special because they went to Paris in their semester abroad. Refuses to stop over-pronouncing croissant. Alternatively, a spooky skeleton.

Skeleton

Pause for tea

If you take the increasing order of roughly how processed the types are: green, red, black, white, then put white at the front, you get the increasing order of roughly how processed the types of tea are (white, green, red, black)!

Pink peppercorns

Fruit of the not-black-pepper Schinus molle (from South America, commonly Peru) or Schinus terebinthifolius (from South America as well, commonly Brazil).

Popular in the 80s, before being banned from the US. This is not just a joke; see Atlas Obscura, which in the same article has the sentence “Sandra Hicks, an herb consultant for the University of Michigan, came across the chic spice at a restaurant.”

Excuse me?

an herb consultant for the University of Michigan

Sichuan (Szechuan, Szechwan?)1 peppercorns

Fruit of (some trees under the genus known as) prickly ash, which is what you should call your boss if you want to be fired.

Made a spicy joke to their subordinate. Got called a “prickly ash.”

Conclusion

Freshly ground pepper is fantastic. Peppercorns, yo.


  1. There are 3 common spellings in American English. The spelling ‘Sichuan’ started in the 1950s with the creation of Hanyu Pinyin, now the Chinese government's official method of romanization. ↩︎