Normally, the time before a flight affords me nothing. However, this time I remembered my limited purpose flexible spending account (LPFSA).

Your LPFSA expires when you leave your current employer. In other words, I have 2 hours to spend $500, fast!

Ok, let’s see what I can spend it on. Vision and dental.

Crap, I need to catch the subway to the airport.

Ok, glasses. I can buy some from Warby Parker online using my LPFSA debit card. Wait, my old account has the email @jgjin.com. I lost that domain a while ago.

Alright, I need to get off here for domestic departures.

Ok, I’ve called Warby Parker customer support. I just need to provide the last 4 digits of the card I last used with @jgjin.com. I’ll just rifle through my Privacy.com transaction history, and good. I changed the email to a current one.

Crap, I need to pass through security.

Ok, now it says I need to renew my prescription. I can’t book an appointment; my FSA will disappear by then! Looks like I can use their virtual vision test via iPhone to renew.

Alright, I exude crazy covering one eye at a time reciting random letters to my phone in the middle of the airport. Though not flushing my FSA contributions down the toilet justifies this embarrassment.

Ok, it says I can get a prescription in less than 48 hours, now that I’ve completed the test. Well, I exuded crazy for nothing.

Crap, what gate do I need to go to again?

Ok, I can order gift cards to myself (happy birthday, me!). If I have $500, I can get the $145 and $295 cards. Just enter my LPFSA debit card, and great! Congrats on not wasting your money! I think.

Alright, I’ll sit down at the gate and double-check my LPFSA balance. Wait, $400? Whoops, I spent $100 before.

Ok, I’ll call Warby Parker customer service again. Hi, yes, I’m calling again. Can you edit my order?

Crap, have we started boarding?

Ok, just the $295 gift card remains in the order. The transaction went through. Finally! I rescued my money from the toilet.

Alright, they’re calling my boarding group. Just in time to spend $4 on an extremely regular bottle of tea and literally fly away from my previous job.