Truthfully, I did not transition my mindset between roles fast enough, at least in the eyes of my manager (and their manager). 6 weeks into my job, my manager sat me down, and told me to shape up or get out.

My manager acknowledged that the start-up life did not fit everyone - something I had heard before, though never hit quite as hard as then. They (honestly quite insultingly) offered that I could leave the company with no hard feelings.1

However, I really wanted to stay.2 So that week, and the next, I put in an unhealthy amount of effort, to desperately prove that I could perform to expectations.

Both my manager and their manager have expressed their approval since then. Though that gives me relief, it will take some time before my emotions move on.

In open conversation, I found out some of my coworkers on the same team received the same negative performance feedback. Then in sombre conversation, I learned one of my coworkers got fired.

Since then, I have flitted in and out between complex emotions: pity for my former coworker; gratefulness for my current; worry for my future; disgust for my selfishness; indignation for my company.

What should I do? I've never experienced this before. To start, I'll send my support to my former coworker.

  1. In retrospect, I wish they had given me more room for my feelings. ↩︎

  2. Or perhaps I really wanted to avoid the shameful experience of losing my job 2 months in. ↩︎