What type of apple do you like the most? When I visited Seattle, I took a bite of the semi-famous Cosmic Crisp. Sweet, tangy, crispy, until very recently the Cosmic Crisp represented my favorite apple. This week I journeyed to the Berkeley Bowl to continue my Apple Quest.

After getting off the BART, I biked over to The Cheese Board Collective, a semi-famous pizzeria lauded by a stranger I met drunk at a party. I ordered myself a whole pizza and a rose lemonade in a fancy glass bottle, and parked on the edge of the outdoor seating. Donning the semi-famous Chicago Lean to not dirty my white shirt, I faced the road to watch people zip by against the backdrop of California's hills.

Finishing half the pizza, I biked, satisfied and awkward, with a pizza box in one hand over to the Berkeley Bowl. Cross-referencing my mentor's Apple Notes, I bought some SugarBee, Envy, Pink Lady, and Granny Smith (control) apples, and some key limes for good measure. Pizza in one hand, groceries in the other, I sat down at the bus stop.

I felt happy. I felt … cold, against my leg. Did I sit on something wet? I felt the back of my leg. No, not wet, a tear! A PHAT tear, exposing my butt and thigh to anyone behind! All of my confidence came crashing down, crushed by the mortifying realization I had

A😬C😬C😬I😬D😬E😬N😬T😬A😬L😬L😬Y😬M😬O😬O😬N😬E😬D😬B😬E😬R😬K😬E😬L😬E😬Y😬F😬O😬R😬M😬O😬S😬T😬O😬F😬T😬H😬E😬D😬A😬Y.

I wish I hadn't realized till after I got back. I spent the entire trip back to San Francisco trying to pretend I didn't have a semi-criminal rip in my pants.